Life as you knew it is over. The relationship as you knew it is over. Infidelity forces you to turn off the movie of your life, where you were the protagonist of a story that you thought you knew very well. All of a sudden, you start questioning not only what you knew about your marriage, but your own identity.

At this point, focus on being mindful of the steps you take as you handle chaos.


Don’t run away, chaos will follow you. Resist the temptation to separate immediately.

Don’t make big decisions; you are in the middle of a crisis, and important decisions should not be made right now.

And as hard as it can be, this is one of those dreaded growth opportunities, even if all you can feel right now is anger, confusion, loneliness and pain.

Infidelity is an invitation to take a deeper look at your life and your marriage. I know, you wish you never received this invitation.

You may stay married after all this. You may not. It is way too early to know the outcome of all this.

Hang in there, the growth will come if you simply don’t run away. You are paying a very high emotional price for this, so don’t waste it on superficial solutions that wont’t lead you to really understand what happened to you.

An affair is always more that an affair. It is an invitation to face the things that were probably lurking under the surface and affecting your relationship.

It may feel like you are trying to find your way in a completely dark room right now, you feel lost and it is scary.

Remember that when you keep your eyes open, as they adjust, you start seeing things that you couldn’t see before.